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Breaking bread

The primary advantage of munches is that they are very available. Munches are usually available in many cities…even ones that are too small to have a public dungeon. For example, if you live in Redmond, WA (like me), you can meet your fellow kinksters at one of 2 munches that happen every month, without having to travel to Seattle. Also, munches are usually at a restaurant, or someone’s home, so there are lesser costs associated with participation. Some munches are even targeted specifically at Parents, and so they can bring their kids and not worry about getting a babysitter. Munches are usually organized by individuals from the community, and are usually advertised as ‘events’ on FetLife. It’s also not unusual to find a munch listing on a more public channel like FaceBook. A typical munch attracts 10-30 people, and some of them lead to some kind of ‘after-party’ at a nearby dungeon. Are munches good? You bet’cha! Munches are a great way to meet new people, and make friends (maybe e...
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Making friends in the BDSM and Sex-positive community

The Sex-positive and BDSM communities have some of the friendliest, most open-minded people in the world, and making friends and contacts in such an atmosphere is super easy even for those of us who are more shy and timid. However, if you are not familiar with the rules and etiquette of these communities, it could still be a little intimating. On the other hand, If you plan on walking into a BDSM or sex club thinking that you’ll be instantly stormed by hordes of horny men or women…that’s not the reality either. While BDSM practitioners and sex-positive people are super open minded, and very sexually active, one must keep in mind that they are not just a bunch of out-of-control horny sluts. While most of us don’t follow arbitrary sexual conduct rules like the “3 date rule”, that doesn’t mean they’ll jump in the sack with anyone who wants them. Generally speaking, the same social “rules” that govern how we behave anywhere also apply within the BDSM and SP community. This means that peop...
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Making a flogger

Floggers are probably the most used tools in BDSM, as well as a well-recognized symbol of our lifestyle. Being relatively easy to make, floggers are also some of the most diverse tools out there. While anyone can go online and grab one off eBay or Amazon for as low as $1.2 (that's a pretty low end one, obviously), having a heavy and high quality one is not only important, but also a primary source of pride for any BDSM top. These kinds of floggers can cost $100 or even more, but you can make one yourself for a fraction of the cost…and have something to show-off too. Floggers are pretty simple, if you think about it. They are made from some stick, typically 8-9" long, and some fabric cut into strips 3/8-1/2" wide (tassels) and about 20" long. The only tricky part to a good flogger is making sure the tassels are properly attached to the handle, so that the thing doesn't break apart. To make a flogger, start by locating the material. You can make a flogger from v...
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How did Fifty Shades get it wrong?

With over 60 million copies sold, the book series Fifty Shades of Grey by E.L. James has been one of the most successful books in history, and generated a huge amount of interest in BDSM. While we in the BDSM community owe a lot to the book for raising awareness to our lifestyle and getting many people into it, many of us feel a great deal of resentment towards the book as well. With the 2nd movie having been released this weekend (and making around $150 million dollars), this is a good time to see where Erika James went wrong. The reason for the resentment is due to the fact that the book portraits BDSM in a way that is very far from how it really is. For example, a recurring theme in the book is the prospect of Christian Grey trying to get Ana to enter a legal contract with him for a dom/sub relationship, and pushing her into being a submissive against her will. While not being strictly forceful, Christian Grey is, in fact, a sexual predator, and uses unethical practices to try to f...
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What is Sex Positive?

The term “Sex-Positive” comes up a lot in the BDSM world, and even more specifically in the Seattle community, as our main club is specifically named “The Center for Sex-Positive Culture” (CSPC). This begs the question what IS sex-positive, and what’s the big deal? Sex-positive is a concept which is the basis for a social movement by the same name. It goes back almost a century ago to the Austrian psychoanalyst Wilhelm Reich, who wrote about it first in his book The Invasion of Compulsory Sex-Morality (Part of which you can read here and the full thing can be ordered here). The concept of sex-positive suggests that sex should be considered by all to be a good, healthy and normal thing. This position is in contrast to the common state of mind in modern western society (*), which views sex as shameful and sinful.   One might argue that this isn’t the case, citing how common sex and nudity is in our culture, even in mainstream broadcast television, but even though we have made ...
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Talk the talk

Like any other thing in life, the kink community has a large vocabulary of terms, and knowing them is important not only to appear cool and knowledgeable, but also to avoid finding yourself in a risky position, or doing something you didn’t intend to do. The knowledge can also help you avoid offending someone by mistake. Age Play – an uncommon kink where arousal is derived from acting out a different age (usually younger) than one is actually at. The “top” participant carries out typical parenting tasks with the “bottom” age player, such as putting diapers on the bottom, or feeding him/her. Blood play – an uncommon kink where arousal is derived from activity that leads to bleeding, such as needle insertion or breaking the skin with knives and other sharp objects. Blood Play is considered one of the more extreme kinks and many places do not allow it, or severely restricts it. Bottom – the partner in a role-play who is on the receiving or submissive side of the scene. For example, in a...
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